Hi everyone! Wow, it has been a while. I almost forgot how to use xanga. A lot has changed since I was on here last. I have gone from three jobs to one, I have become a brunette, and I am pursuing photography with the help of a wonderful lady. Check out her pics at www.malloryphotographics.com.  Anyway, tonight I was feeling kind of discouraged (maybe blondes do have more fun( : ) due to a few failures, and as I was wallowing in those, I got a rejection from a publisher I had sent one of my poems to. So, I wanted to write, just get my thoughts onto paper and prove to myself I could still write something I was proud of . Unfortunately, my year long writer's block is both persistent and consisitent, and I just ended up looking at some of my old poems. I found this one... I may have posted it on xanga before, and even thought I wrote it two years ago, I still remember how I felt when I wrote it. Extremely hopeful would probably be the best words to describe it. Here it is...

What Would I Do?

What would I do if I weren’t so afraid?

Be me all the time

Let pretences fade

What would I do if I didn’t fear my fears?

Say what I think

Let my friends see my tears

What would I do if my heart were brave?

Climb the tallest mountain

Search out the darkest cave

What would I do if I won every duel?

Expand my mind

Go back to school

What would I do if I didn’t fear fighting?

Forget what people think

Let my heart do the writing

What would I do if I didn’t doubt my choice?

Lift up my hands

And raise my voice

What would I do if I knew how to live?

Drop all my baggage

Forget and forgive

What would I do if I thought I knew how?

Let the old me go

And live for now

What would I do if I know I’d win gold?

Reach for my dreams

Let my words be bold

What would I do if nothing were in my way?

Realize nothing is

And get on with today

So, what about you?

What would you do?

By Me

November 21, 2005

Before we are born in this world

In another's womb we lie

we can feel every heartbeat, hear every word

every laugh, or meloncholy sigh

We lie just below her heart

soothed by the beat of her life

and then we come into this world

to face both the good and the strife

As we grow we find another heart to share

a friend in the days of spring

hopscotch, jumprope, and child hood cares

and the laughter and tears they bring

and in the summer of life we find

our head on another's chest

and hear the pounding of the heart

that we think is the very best

and in the autumn of our days

our hearts swell with pride, joy, and fear

we hear the heartbeat of our little ones

feeling each smile and every tear

and when winter arrives at last

and the days are very short

we keep alll our loved ones close nearby

close to our aged heart

In the seasons of life

it is right for the heart to be near

to all those who love and care for you

all those you hold so dear

For before we are born

we are so close to a heart

and that beating was never meant to be

alone or far apart

So find a heart somewhere

and cherish it's even beat

becuase the rythym of two hearts

is music, the most sweet

by Jess Wouda

Feb 16.2006

We woke up that morning

to a rainy cloud filled day

but you flew into my bedroom,

my own sunshine ray

I guess I took your light for granted

as we munched on cheerios

and underneath the table

you tickled me with your toes

and as I pulled on my pants

and you pulled on your sweater

I heard your little girl laughter

but today I didn't feel better

your chatter scraped at my nerves

as you pulled on a shoe

we had to get going, our day was full

There was too much to do

All the way to town you talked

about the things that made you smile

but I harldly heard you

as traffic backed up for a mile

Horns and a angry drivers

started to drown you out

and I pulled off the next exit

to take a different route

I tuned you out completely

as I thought of where we had to go

pick up dry cleaning, get some groceries

buy some tickets for the show

Go the library and drop of the books

that I didn't have time to read

go a console a dear friend

during her time of need

And, Hope, this is when it gets fuzzy

as I pulled up to the dry cleaner's store

as they passed me the bags,I'm sure it was you

that grandly held the door

And after we left the box office

Your hand was in mine, right?

I always kept you close

at least within my sight

And as we pulled up to Kathy's house

to wake her from a sobbing, fitful nap

Didn't you kiss her with your little girl lips

and sit comfortingly upon her lap?

It wan't until the grocery store

at the check out stand

that I realized you weren't with me, Hope

that I'd forgotten to hold your hand

From frozen goods to beauty

through all the aisles I raced

and as they paged you on the speaker

I searched for your freckled face

Now, months later I try to remember

the stories you told that day

about the things that make you smile

My little sunshine ray

Sometimes I still hear your little girl laugh

When tiny chimes tinkle in the breeze

and when the wind blows through the poplars

I can hear it in the trees

Remembering your laughter

Is how, each day, I cope

Trying to find my way back

to before I lost you, Hope.

by Jessica Wouda

                                                                                              Feb 02/07